so that wasnt chicken after all
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
