I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
