drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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