wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
