grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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