Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize