no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
