I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
