What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The uberlube is also flammable
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
