Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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