Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
