just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
