I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
