oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
