Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
