come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
