He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize