Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

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(209): View more from California

do you want me to make hamburgers?

(541): View more from Oregon

i'm vegan

(209): View more from California

i'll put lettuce on them

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates

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(713): View more from Texas

then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate

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(319): View more from Iowa

You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.

(1-337): View more from Louisiana

How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.

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(831): View more from California

Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.

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