Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
