So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize