Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im part way to drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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