I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
