i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
