drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
