If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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