What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
