I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
