I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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