so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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