she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize