Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
