I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
