She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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