I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
