can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
