Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
