I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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