The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
