i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
