i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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