I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
