i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
