Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
