someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
