Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize