from now on my penis is your penis
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
