SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
