I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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