Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
