Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
