I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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