This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
