Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
