GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
