There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
