The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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