woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
