What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
