My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
