I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
