He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found a bag of teeth...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
