i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How external is "for external use only"?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize