once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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