what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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