Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
