Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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