Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
