i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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