the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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