So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize