So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
