Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
