There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
