Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
