It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
